Eternium Fluid

The Sands Of Time

The sands of time have covered the strange pyramidal tombs of the ancient kings of Egyptia, but brave adventurers have brought back proof that the mortal remains of the rich and powerful Pharaohs have been well preserved. But the adventurers never brought back the secrets that made this possible.

But rigorous Scientific testing suggests that our Eternium Fluid is in in every way superior to the secret Methods used to preserve the bodies of ancient Pharaoh kings.

Based on our secret formula, we display our confidence in the Quality of our Product by making this Guarantee:

The Wolfstone Mortuary Supply Corporation - Jack of Shadows, proprietor - guarantees that embalming your beloved dead with Eternium Fluid will:

• retain a completely natural appearance
• resist all forms of corruption and decay
• for a minimum of 100 years - and probably much more
• will pay $1.000 LDS if the Product fails to provide complete Satisfaction

Accept No Substitutes!

Eternium Fluid is based on a proprietary Formula compounded of rare and expensive ingredients including eleven secret herbs and spices. We have searched the four corners of the Earth, from darkest Afrikka to the frozen wastes of Seward's Icebox to locate the effective materials and discover the Means of compounding this wonderous fluid. If we were to disclose the great effort and time taken in the invention and manufacture of the miraculous product, you would pay many times our asking price.

When making arrangements with your Funeral Director, be sure to ask for Eternium Fluid by name.

Accept No Substitutes!

No competitors offers this Unique Product.
They can not approach our results.
They do not offer our Guarantee.
- they simply do not have "the goods"

Eternium Fluid

The Embalmer's Friend

Competing formulations are mere components. Each case requires a customised mix-and-match of various preservatives, colorants, perfumes, and additives. Different formulae are required for cavity fluid and perfusion. The formulation also depends on planned shipment and burial of the remains, for conventional products are compounded as cheaply as possible and last only long enough to get the deceased into the ground. This is hardly Respect for the Dead.

Eternium Fluid replaces the mess, bother, and expense of a closet full of embalming products with a single concentrated fluid. Simply add one part Eternium Fluid to four parts water for a universal fluid, suitable for all aspects of embalming. There is no need to compute and compound conventional components. One Fluid does it all.

Yes, Eternium Fluid costs a little more. But when you consider that it replaces a shelf full of other components, makes the Work easier and faster, and produces superior results, it is clearly worthwhile.

Eternium Fluid is truly "The Embalmer's Friend".

We have, accordingly, made enemies among those vending inferior products. Since all other embalming materials and protocols are inferior to Eternium Fluid, our enemies are Legion.

In an effort to discredit our unmatched Product, competitors have begun a campaign of rumors attempting to discredit the fine name of Eternium Fluid.

Sometimes they whisper vile accusations, as if Eternium Fluid were distilled from the bodies of children or animals. What fools do they take you for?

Sometimes they imply that Eternium Fluid has unpleasant side-effects. Competitors have even been known to point to newspaper articles of strange goings-on at Wolfstone Cemetery; say that the place is haunted; and imply that Wolfstone Mortuary's exclusive use of Eternium Fluid is somehow responsible for supernatural manifestations, especially around Halloween.

As proprieter of Wolfstone Cemetery and Mortuary and sole vendor of Eternium Fluid, I take such rumor-mongering quite seriously. As a fellow of the Royal College of Funereal Sciences and a purveyor of Funereal Necessities, I stand on my reputation for unmatched product quality.

I grant that there are occasional unusual happenings at Wolfstone Cemetery. But supernatural manifestations have been noted at cemeteries around the world. One might even say that dealing with the possiblity of an occasional ghost is a natural consequence of dealing with the dead on a daily basis. Despite the numerous legends, there is no real proof that Wolfstone Cemetery is actually haunted. Nor is there any truth to the stories about the secret formula for Eternium Fluid being responsible for the creation of ghosts or the attraction of supernatural phenomona.

It is true that reports of supernatural activity at Wolfstone Cemetery increase drastically on Halloween. But people can be excitable and the festivities surrounding this important holiday may lead them to imagine things. Besides, All Hallows Eve is the time when the veil between our material world and the unseen world of spirits is at its thinnest. If ghosts are real, what more likely time would there be for them to slip from their world into ours? And what better place for it to happen but at a cemetery?

So, if there are odd goings-on, please be assured that they are natural, expected, and not too much more common at Wolfstone Cemetery than at similar establishments. These events are very unlikely to have anything to do with Eternium Fluid.

Ignore the rumors.

Buy our product with confidence, knowing that you have obtained a rare and special gift for your beloved dead: Perfect Preservation.

We guarantee it.