Wolfstone Cemetery and Mortuary

Why Is Wolfstone Special?

We Use Exclusively Eternium Fluid

Wolfstone Cemetery and Mortuary makes exclusive use of Eternium Fluid, the finest embalming product available.

Eternium Fluid carries a guarantee that it will preserve human bodies in perfect, life-like condition for 100 years. This guarantee is backed by $1.000 LDS, cash.

Our use of exclusively this unmatched product is just one way that we provide care that other mortuaries can only envy.

Other mortuaries can purchase Eternium Fluid from us, but we are the sole source and the experts in the use of this incredible product.

Wolfstone Is Family Owned And Operated

Wolfstone is a family-run business, owned and operated by Jack Of Shadows. We are experienced in providing post-life care to your loved ones since the first member of the Shadows clan came to America.

Providing excellent care is close to our hearts.

We are far ahead of our competition.

Our Long History

Wolfstone Cemetery and Mortuary has been a family business for many generations. You might say that embalming fluid is in our blood.

Our long history of service is your guarantee of future scrupulous care of your loved ones.

Some of our clients have been with us for hundreds of years.

Please note that Eternium Fluid is a recent innovation. We regret that guests who came to us long ago have not been able to enjoy its benefits.

If only Eternium Fluid were available back then, these individuals would look hale and healthy.

Indeed, we have some celebrity guests.

In addition to traditional mortuary services and cemetary options, we also offer a special discount for reverential preservation of particular people portions.

These are some guests in our heads-only crypt.

Don't Listen To The Rumors

Our competitors find it difficult to deal with the success of our Eternium Fluid and the compassionate care that our family-owned and operated business provides.

We have, accordingly, made enemies among those vending inferior products and providing shoddy service. Since all other embalming materials and protocols are inferior to Eternium Fluid, our enemies are Legion.

In an effort to discredit our unmatched Product and Services, competitors have begun a campaign of rumors attempting to discredit the fine name of Wolfstone, our signature service and our ummatched Eternium Fluid.

Sometimes they whisper vile accusations, as if Eternium Fluid were distilled from the bodies of children or animals. What fools do they take you for?

Sometimes they imply that Eternium Fluid has unpleasant side-effects. Competitors have even been known to point to newspaper articles of strange goings-on at Wolfstone Cemetery; say that the place is haunted; and imply that Wolfstone Mortuary's exclusive use of Eternium Fluid is somehow responsible for supernatural manifestations, especially around Halloween.

As proprieter of Wolfstone Cemetery and Mortuary and sole vendor of Eternium Fluid, I take such rumor-mongering quite seriously. As a fellow of the Royal College of Funereal Sciences and a purveyor of Funereal Necessities, I stand on my reputation for unmatched product quality and services.

I grant that there are occasional unusual happenings at Wolfstone Cemetery. But supernatural manifestations have been noted at cemeteries around the world. One might even say that dealing with the possiblity of an occasional ghost is a natural consequence of dealing with the dead on a daily basis. Despite the numerous legends, there is no real proof that Wolfstone Cemetery is actually haunted. Nor is there any truth to the stories about the secret formula for Eternium Fluid being responsible for the creation of ghosts or the attraction of supernatural phenomona.

It is true that reports of supernatural activity at Wolfstone Cemetery increase drastically on Halloween. But people can be excitable and the festivities surrounding this important holiday may lead them to imagine things. Besides, All Hallows Eve is the time when the veil between our material world and the unseen world of spirits is at its thinnest. If ghosts are real, what more likely time would there be for them to slip from their world into ours? And what better place for it to happen but at a cemetery?

So, if there are odd goings-on, please be assured that they are natural, expected, and not too much more common at Wolfstone Cemetery than at similar establishments. These events are very unlikely to have anything to do with Eternium Fluid.

Ignore the rumors.

Buy our Product with confidence, avail yourself of our Services, knowing that you have obtained rare and special gifts for your beloved dead: Perfect Preservation in a setting of Peace.

We guarantee it.