woke up and whacked his mate in the wing and asked him if he would like to go
and get some blood, in which the other bat replied "Are you crazy? Where the
heck are we going to get blood at this hour of the morning?"
The first bat said "I know just the place, come and I'll promise you
I will
find us some blood!"
The 2nd bat bluntly refused, so the first took off to find his
blood.
About an hour had past and the bat came back with blood dribbling out
of his
mouth covering his body and wings. The bat that didn't go said "You
lucky bat,
where the heck did you find blood at this hour of the morning?" to
which the
first replied -"Do you see that tree over there?"
"Yeah, sought of" he replied
"WELL I DIDN'T!!!!!"
There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys
filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight,
and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you,
one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out
towards the fence.
Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third
boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the
cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One
for you, one for me. One for you." He knew what it was. "Oh my god!"
he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the
cemetery!"
He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane,
hobbling along. "Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I
heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the
souls."
The man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it
hard to walk as it is!" After several pleas, the man hobbled to the
cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth! Let's see
if we
can see the Devil himself." Shivering with fear, they edged toward
the
fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One for you,
one
for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all.
Let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."
They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down.
The barmaid came over to take their orders.
"And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and
said, "I will have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and
called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light."
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are
travelling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in
Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light,
out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of
the car and hisses at them through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What shouldwe do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of
the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock
the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues
hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water
before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The
vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he
hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns."Now what?" shouts Sister
Mary Agnes.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then
opens the window and shouts, "Get your nasty butt off our car!"
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother
told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I
don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have
to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out
there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked,
"Are you sure he's out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready
to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then
went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering
out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out
there, would you please hand me the broom?"----
