HALLOWEEN HUMOR!

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and
decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just
for laughs.  Right in the middle of the cemetery they
were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from
the misty shadows.  Trembling with fear, they found an
old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of
the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his
breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you
were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late
at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled.  "They misspelled
my name!"

A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... behind him.  Walking faster, he
looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin
banging its way down the middle of the street towards
him...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...

The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin
bounces quickly after him, faster...faster ...BUMP ...
BUMP ...BUMP.  He runs up to his door, fumbles with his
keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks the door behind
him.  However, the coffin crashes through his door, with
the lid of the coffin flapping...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on
the heels of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in.
His heart is pounding.  With a CRASH, the coffin breaks down
the door.  Coming slowly towards him, the man screaming,
reaches for something, anything...

All he can find is a box of cough drops!

Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin ...

...and...of...course,

...the coffin stops!

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who just passed
away.  At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out,
when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan.  They open the casket and find that the woman is alive.

In fact, she lives for ten more years!

Father O'Grady was saying his goodbye's to the parishioners
after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary
Clancey came up to him in tears.
"What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Father O'Grady.
"Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary.
"Well what is it, Mary?"
"Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father."
"Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me Mary,
did he have any last requests?"
"Well, yes he did father," replied Mary.
"What did he ask, Mary?"
Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the
gun...'"

Mom and Dad were watching their little boy Johnny say his good
           night prayers, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, Doggie, and phooey on
           the cat." The next day they got up and went down to the kitchen
and
           found the cat dead on the kitchen floor. That night, they again
listened
           to Johnny, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and phooey on the doggie."
           The next day they got up, went down to the kitchen, and found the
dog
           dead. That night, intently listening in on Johnny's bedtime
prayers they
           heard, "God bless Mommy, and phooey on Daddy." Well you can
           imagine the horror. Daddy tossed and turned all night,
alternating
           between thinking it's just a coincidence and worrying himself
           sleepless. Well, morning came and Daddy, feeling somewhat better,
           went down to the kitchen to fix some breakfast. Realizing he
needed
           some milk, he opened the back door to the morning's milk
delivery,
           whereupon he found the milkman dead on the back porch.

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the
hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous
twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle
tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one
way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.
That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging
at him from a distance, and he couldn't move.

"Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services
today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just
one wish - please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at
me. Please, Lord!"

That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees,
clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the
preacher's feet. "Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive..."

WANT MORE PASS THROUGH THE DOOR!