jokes

"Do you believe in life after death???" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir," the new employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left
early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral she stopped in to see you."

Comment: Some spooks can't wait to show off!


A woman went to doctor's office for her annual examination.
Suddenly, another older doctor noticed her burst out of the examination room,
screaming as she ran down the hall. He stopped the hysterical woman and asked
her to sit down and relax. Then, he asked her what she was so upset about. A
few minutes later, the older doctor marched back to the woman's doctor and
demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has
four grown children, and seven grandchildren... and you told her she was
pregnant?"

The woman's doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard,
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?"

Comment: What's the joke here? The doc came on her with his demon!

A guy is sitting in a bar drunk. He asks the bartender where the toilet is. The
bartender tells him that it's down the hall and to the right. The man leaves the bar
to use the toilet. All of a sudden, the bar patrons hear a loud scream, and they
wonder what is going on in the toilets. A few minutes, go by and again everybody
at the bar hears a loud scream coming from the toilets. This time the bartender
goes into the toilet to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.
He opens the door and asks the drunk, "What's all the screaming about in here?
You are scaring all my customers away."
The drunk said, "I'm sitting on the toilet and every time I go to flush, something
comes up and squeezes the hell out of my backside."
With that, the bartender opens up the door and looks in and says, "No wonder,
you're sitting on the mop bucket!!!"

Comment: This one I don't believe. The bar keeper is covering up for a butt grabbing toll!

First man:  My wife suggested that I take up a new sport this summer.

Second man:  Well, that's nice.  It shows that she has your interests at heart.
Did she make any suggestions?

First man:  As a matter of fact, she did.  By the way, how do you play this Russian Roulette?

Comment: Goes to show you: A rich man should never marry a young, rich widow!

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape
from a burning freight vessel.  While rummaging through the
boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp
vigorously.  To the amazement of the castaways, one did come
forth.  This particular Genie, however, stated that she could
only deliver one wish, not the standard three.  Without giving
much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the
entire ocean into beer!"

Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash,
and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by
mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness
as the two men considered their circumstances.

The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been
granted.  After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice
going!   Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

Comment: That darned Genie again. I owe him one too!

 




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